That’s the equivalent of the weight I have lost over the last 9 months. (66.5lbs)
Now, I don’t know about you, but I reckon an elephant’s penis must be pretty bloody massive. I mean, you wouldn’t be able to go at a lady elephant with a tiny todger would you?
So… how did I get there and what made me do it in the first place?
After having my second baby last April I was enormous. I was approximately 4 chocolate Hobnobs away from sitting in my armchair and gruffly telling my husband to “bring me Solo and the Wookiee”.
Something in me snapped. I had spent my entire adult life overweight. I’d never been able to enjoy clothes shopping. Instead of prancing around the dressing rooms, striking my best ‘blue steel’, I would leave the shop sweaty, tearful and hastily cramming all the size 18s back on the rack of shame on the way out of the changing rooms.
As a side note, why do I always apologise to the assistant on the way out? “Any good?” she asks brightly. “Sorry, no” I cringe apologetically as I hang my head in shame whilst handing back the 14 items that all somehow managed to make me look like a sausage bursting out of its skin.
Once I’d had my 6 week check after having my baby, I toddled on over to my local slimming world group. I weighed in (while visions of broken scales danced in my head) and afterwards I actually felt relief. I felt relieved to be taking charge (and responsibility) of my own weight and unhappiness.
I was the heaviest I’ve ever been. But I was still very enthusiastic to get going. I lost 6lbs in my first week and never looked back.
I stayed very determined throughout and every loss spurred me on for the week ahead.
I’m a size 10-12 for the first time in my life and I feel amazing for it. I love shopping now. Much to the despair of my bank manager.
My belly has seen better days. It largely resembles the sack of a 90 year old’s spunk bunkers. But I can live with that. I just tuck it in to a pair of industrial strength Bridget Jones pants and I’m good to go.
All in all I’m very proud of my achievement. There are many things in my life which are beyond my control, but I’m finally in control of the one thing that has bothered me most my whole adult life. And that feels kind of fabulous.